One thing I’ve fallen more in love with lately is discovering new things about me. Digging deep to find out things about me I didn’t know existed. I love the clarity it brings. “You’re not insane or overbearing like you think, it’s just your personality. Maybe you just need to learn to manage it better”.
Yesterday I finished the novel I had been reading. I chose to start reading it that evening to drown out the emotions I felt which for some reason I just couldn’t trace at the time.
The Holy Spirit led me to pray. I had not prayed yet for the day but I’ve learnt not to give any excuse not to pray. Even if I have to stay up till 1am, I’ll pray.
Towards the end of last year, God placed a burden within me for intercession for friends and family. I didn’t take it as seriously as I should have and with the latest happenings, I understand it’s something I shouldn’t joke with.
I took it up again about two weeks ago and the Holy Spirit has been leading me to pray for certain people and for certain issues they may be having. My sensitivity is better now too.
Back to yesterday…
While I was praying, the Holy Spirit dropped the word ‘empath’ in my heart. I know I had heard the word before in the past but I didn’t really think much of it. After my prayer session by, I read up different things about ‘empaths’ and I was in shock. For those in tech, it felt like that moment when you find the bug that’s been preventing your code from working and it all starts to make perfect sense! Forgive my analogy, my brothers are tech bros. Lmao. But that’s how I felt! “I’m not insane for feeling how I’ve been feeling these past years. This is my personality.”
I quoted this site https://www.healthline.com/health/what-is-an-empath in case you’d like to read more about empaths.
For starters, we empaths know how to empathise very deeply. We understand and feel others’ emotions as our own even if we’re not the ones going through that experience. We feel their pains and sadness. It can be physical or emotional, but in my case, it’s more emotional than physical.
I’ll be personal for this piece. I noticed a similar pattern in my friendships. Even when I’m mistreated by a friend or a random person, I get extremely worried when I sense something’s wrong with them. I remember a time last year, when a friend ‘L’ hurt me so much and I couldn’t really process why that happened. Even in the midst of the hurt, I’d notice how she was probably not posting as much or her posts had a sad tone to it. Seeing all that would cause me to feel so terrible and I’d go back to text her, regardless of how hurt I was. I told my best friend ‘Ocean’ like I do when I feel this way and need advice. I told him how it felt like I was attracted to toxicity. A similar case happened with another friend ‘M’ who made me feel ignored and invisible, yet I’d notice some new patterns with her and know there’s an issue. 95% of the time I was right. I’d get so worked up thinking about how to reach out to find out what was wrong and see what could be done to make things better. It’s very hard to not care for people. It’s like I push every pain I have aside just to try to be present in their own pain.
In these cases and even other cases where I wasn’t hurt, I still took on their pains and worries and it felt like I was in their situation with them, even on non-speaking terms.
Another thing I noticed that resonated with me is how good my intuition can be. Like the cases above, I pick up on cues that may not be so obvious to other people. Which is why you’d find me telling ‘Ocean’ or my mum how I noticed something in this person’s life. How I don’t know if I should reach out since this thing just happened to them. Would it make them feel better or would it make them think more about it? Even if they open up to me, will I have the right things to say to them? As you can probably tell, overthinking is a major challenge with us too. But I have a very difficult time not caring for people. So I end up reaching out to them after several hours or days of contemplating. It would feel worse to not do anything. And people feel comfortable opening up to me and I love it. That’s one thing I’ll never ever take for granted.
I pray I learn how to comfort people better, keeping in mind that it’s not my responsibility to heal them or solve the issues for them. I have to learn to not be disappointed when this doesn’t happen. At times, I may just be the avenue they need to open up and let it all out.
Another very obvious one I noticed is how easily overwhelmed I get. I battle with anxiety issues. I have battled with it since I turned 13. It’s getting better so no need to worry. Crowds and even being with a small group for a long period of time can cause me to get anxious and overwhelmed pretty quickly. Which is why I am isolated most of the time or love being with a few people at a time. I tend to go along with it most of the time so I don’t come off as being uninterested or make others feel like a burden. I have communicated it to some friends and it feels less tiring.
I’ve always thought I was too sensitive, but I’ve come to understand it’s just a part of my personality. God is so wonderful in His creation of different personalities and diverse emotions. I don’t know about you, but I think it’s a beautiful thing.
You may have people like me in your life, I can’t tell you how to be friends with them moving forward as different people have different personalities, but this should help in some way… Maybe ask them to let you know when they start to get overwhelmed with the conversation. If you have an issue and you know it’s something you can share with them, please don’t keep it to yourself. There are other things you can learn from the article I linked above.
Please oooo please, to my friends, please don’t stop sharing things with me because of this!!! I’ll fight you! You can see that you’ll make it worse if I don’t know what’s going on 🙂↕️. Just kidding.
If you enjoyed this spontaneous piece I decided to write by 9am in the morning, please hold the clap button till it gets to 50 claps. That way it reaches others too. Please share to as many people as you can (if you want.) If you want to gatekeep it for yourself, I don’t know what to tell you sha. Byeee. Be good ❤️
